I'm not sure whether to be impressed or horrified by the parenting style of the woman who wrote this column. Probably horrified. But I don't want to influence you.
It sure was fun to read the column out loud to my kids this weekend. For two reasons. First, I don't look nearly so demanding in comparison. Second, because both of my kids were given the gift of musical talent. I'll be honest, if I'd had my way, we would have done more to nurture that. We gave them lessons but we didn't push. I believe we chose the path of least resistance. My husband believes we gave them balance.
They both were involved in sports, which they enjoyed, but at which they are not, shall we say, gifted. I recognize that involvement in these team activities were important parts of their development. But might we also have done them a disservice by not helping them take their musical gifts further. Right now they don't think so. I suspect some day they'll agree.
I'll tell you one thing, I can' imagine never letting my child have a play date, attend a sleep over, play in the park. And I can't imagine holding their toys hostage. That little girl's excitement when she finally mastered her difficult piano piece sure was compelling. But at what cost?
Trish I was completely horrified to read this article! While I do fully understand the fact that we live in a very different culture from that of "Chinese Mothers", this article portrays us as raising sloppy, lazy, stupid children - and that we're happy about it! I don't want to be the Hitler in my children's lives. I want them to know that they're loved, no matter what. I want them to know that they always have somewhere to come home to, no matter what. I want them to know that their dad and I believe that they are the most amazing and wonderful kids on the face of this planet! Yes, I care about their self-esteem and I care about their friendships, and if that makes me a bad mom, then I proudly wear the title!
ReplyDeleteHi Trish, I've taught kids of demanding parents and coach some young Asian adults who had demanding parents and it's not pretty. Granted we in the States can definitely be enablers but the answer isn't to go to the other extreme! Demanding Eastern parenting vs. Permissive Western parenting. Isn't there something in between? Glad I found your blog with Google alerts!
ReplyDeleteMy neighbor is Vietnamese, and she’s very much like the author. Sometimes I've told my sons that if they don't behave, I'm going to send them to HER house!
ReplyDeleteOk, so I guess you posted this a while ago, but it raises some interesting questions. I think I could lean either way to some degree. First off, people feel self-worth by realizing that they can accomplish things, and usually not by being told they are a-o-k the way they are. That being said "being pushed" does not mean mercilessly degrading someone in my opinion. Also, I can think of at least a few examples where this sort of pushing as a youngster did result in negative attitudes towards oneself when they are older, so I don't think it is entirely benign. Believing in children to achieve great things is one thing, battering them into "pre-determined" accomplishments could be another.
ReplyDeleteThere might be some effective strategies that Chinese moms do to help their children become successful as they grow older, but extreme discipline and verbal insults may just be too much for a child to handle. I wouldn't want my kids to think that they're born to be treated like slaves (it seems like it). Mothers of different cultures have their own ways to deal with their children, but personally, I don't think insulting my children, depriving them of the simplest happiness and forcing them to do something they do not want to do can guarantee that my child will grow successful and happy. Well that's just me.
ReplyDelete